Bullshit: it comes in a thousand varieties...a flavour of it exists for every mouth that it flows forth from. Today, I am thinking about a specific type of bullshit: the game playing variety. More specifically, head games...employed by people of all ages...people with a set agenda ; the biggest problem with these types of games is that only one person knows it is being played, at least initially. If you've ever been on the receiving end of these head games, you know that, sooner or later, we realise it is happening. BUT, we still don't know exactly what it is about...so we don't know the rules, the object of the game, or how a winner is determined. So we find ourselves engaging in an activity that is futile...it is futile because there can be no winner...it is a lose/lose proposition. My suggestion is to avoid these games...avoid them at all costs. If you believe one of these games is afoot, call the person on it...but do not play! Most games are started by people who are scared...mistrustful. What they really want is proof, reassurance, a guarantee. The majority of us have had moments when we felt a little insecure and afraid of being hurt. We want to believe what we are being told is true...we want to have faith...but we hesitate. This is all perfectly normal. The danger starts when we take those feelings and make them 'about' the other person, when we shove those feelings down and don't acknowledge them as being about ourselves. This is when the game begins...this is when it is set in motion...Those crazy normal fears twist around in the head...they consume peoples thoughts, they take over...and THEN, we 'see' things differently (or we see things that aren't even really there). We begin to 'see' the reasons for our mistrust...our insecurities...our fears. We become so consumed with it that we fail to recognize our own creation of it. Instead, we transfer it to the object of our affection...and the twist tells us that we are right to mistrust...we scrutinize every movement they make...we analyse every word they speak and every word they don't speak. We become secretive...ask loaded questions...and make conclusions (jump to them, actually) based on the responses. But...it doesn't end there...oh no...the next thing we know the 'twist' convinces us it would be a good idea to test the person...a little bit more. Time and energy is actually used setting up grand plans...intricate, detailed maneuvers...designed to put someone (remember now, this person is the alleged object of our affection...) to the test. Here's an example of an oft employed test: emotional withdrawal, the act by which we stop displaying affection and begin 'cooling off'. The idea, I think, is to put the other person in the position of 'chaser'...will they notice our coolness and counter with an excessive amount of warmth?...will this coolness make them worried they are about to lose us, and force them to realise how much we mean to them, causing an outpouring of kindness and blathering sentiment? (Now...this is when we really need to stop and think this through: I mean seriously, is it reasonable to expect a rational being to respond to a negative stimulus with a positive one? And, what are we actually doing? The idea is that we feel insecure and afraid...so we choose to employ means that will make our 'loved' one feel exactly the same way??) That said: there are times when this actually works...why? because the person being played is a player...so if you choose to test someone in this way, and they 'pass' the test...it doesn't necessarily prove what you think it does. All it really means is that they know how to play the game...(how's that for a twist?). You see, the real 'pass' to this test is recognizing the coolness, the withdrawal, and responding to it with concern for your well being (seeing it as about you)...if they assume your coolness is about them...(and act accordingly)...then they don't really see you at all...
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